My First Trimester Hang-ups

first trimester belly
Photo Source

I have been on a roller coaster ride
overcoming and dealing with
the distasteful circumstances
of my first trimester.
I could hardly take long exposure
in front of our computer.
I'm having headaches,
stomach distress and some
other physical anxieties.
I know, these will pass.
I will certainly get over the
effects of hormonal changes
happening inside me...
maybe sooner or later.

Please bear with me.
Once I get back on my feet again,
I have lots of interesting entries to share
and more exciting stories to tell.


Pay It Forward

Trevor McKinney (Haley Joel Osment), is a 12-year old student who has thought of an idea that would change not only his own life but the lives of many people.

He believes that doing a favor to others is not paying it back but paying it forward... doing good deeds to three new people will truly make a difference.

A simple idea of a young boy that makes a great impact to many and profoundly affect one's human nature. His determination to change the world for the better comes in exchange with his life.

Help others but never expect something in return. When others do good to you, don't pay back but "Pay it Forward" ...

Undergoing TVS or Tranvaginal Sonogram

Lying down on a bed other than our bed makes me feel quite uncomfortable more so using a clinic blanket to cover my body. Quite loathsome but I have no choice. I was advised to undress from waist down, lie on the bed with my knees bent and legs apart then cover my lower extremities with a green blanket. A female doctor attended to me. She was holding a tubular device or probe called a transducer and put an adequate amount of lubricant or gel then slowly inserted into my vaginal canal.

The procedure is TVS or transvaginal sonogram. The tubular probe sent out sound waves and a computer received the waves then an image was created being seen on a monitor. Measurements were being noted. The result is:

The test was painless. Actually I had gone through this kind of procedure more than five times already although I felt some mild discomfort from the pressure of the probe. After getting the result, Pye and I headed to Dra. Piramide, who was holding her clinic hours on the second floor of the Alfonso building.  She examined the results of the ultrasound and told us that we have to wait for another 2 weeks to confirm if there's really a baby inside me or yet, a possible blighted ovum.

Early intrauterine pregnancy about 7 weeks and 2 days by GS diameter There is a yolk sac seen with no evidence of fetal poleSuggest follow-up after 2 weeks for embryonic assessment

Early intrauterine pregnancy about 7 weeks and 2 days by GS diameter
There is a yolk sac seen with no evidence of fetal pole
Suggest follow-up after 2 weeks for embryonic assessment

I  have mixed emotions upon hearing this news but we have to be patient and optimistic. Everything will turn out just fine. Things happen for a reason.

Inside My Belly

Photo Source

Let your presence inside me
that you're safe and sound.
Is there a little life growing
or a tie of bond
deep within?
This unpleasant sensitivities
leave no aching
Just rest quietly at my tummy
We'll be one 'til due time.

Photo Source

Heaven Welcomes Another Angel

I was browsing the internet and I came across a site which I thought was the right one to give me information about the meaning of flowers. I planned to write a blog presenting a variety of flowers and their meanings and so I clicked the 6th link on the list: The Meaning of Flowers/A Filipina Mom Blogger and "Oh My God!" I never expected that I would stay for, not just a while but I spent hours watching the videos and reading some of the author's posts. I was teary-eyed and emotional upon learning that the site I've accidentally gone through will touch my heart and spirit.

Her story started with a deep mourning... a struggle for strength to overcome pain... a journey of grief and sorrow and her survival from the most unbearable loss of a beloved son.

Luijoe at the zoo

Last photo of Luijoe before he died

The swimming pool where he met his final destination

His resting place at Loyola Memorial Park

Ms. Noemi Lardizabal-Dado said in her blog entitled: Touched by An Angel
"I still remember that last day, May 27, 2000 in our hotel room at Maribago Bluewater Beach Resort . It was right after we had breakfast getting ready for our glass-bottom boat ride. The video of “Be with you” by Enrique Iglesias was blaring on TV. Luijoe’s sisters shrieked ewwww mom except Luijoe and myself. They chided me for being so cheesy but Luijoe sat beside me and said you like that mama and I said yes. He said I like it too. Then we both watched it together.
That song is meant to be a love song but I can’t help thinking about the lyrics because it was the last song we listened together. The lyrics spoke so much of my indescribable grief and so, hearing the song always teared me to bits.
"And now that you’re gone,
I just wanna be with you.
(Be with you)
And I can’t go on, I wanna be with you.
(Be with you)
Wanna be with you."
Miserable, depressed and inconsolable. Today, it’s different. The pain is not as searing as it once was.
In memory of Luijoe’s 8th death anniversary, I compiled the photos of Luijoe’s last few hours at Maribago Bluewater Beach Resort with “Be With You” as the background music."

I can hardly imagine how difficult it was for her to cope with her son's early demise. The tragedy that struck her family more than eight years back has been a haunting nightmare but she is able to let go of the negative memories of that fateful day and still trying to heal the wounds it has caused.

Because of this experience, Noemi gained sympathy not only from Kababayans in the Philippines but touched many people's lives through out the world. She even appeared in some TV programs like: MomWorks, Proudly Filipina, Kapuso Mo-Jessica Soho and Ali's talk show sharing her family's terrible ordeal.

She was even awarded the Best Website, Blog Category in the 9th Philippine Web Awards on December 7, 2006 and more awards in her name.

Another angel has flown to heaven
with a ready heart so young.
He lived a life too short
but left a long lasting mark.
He now rested far above the skies
looking down and waiting
his beloved ones to reunite
in the hands of GOD.

(Photos are not mine)

Craving for Chocolate Mousse

Everyday for me now is like I'm in a "twilight zone" and I can hardly decide what food to eat or what odor really makes me lose my appetite. I have morning sickness and my stomach feels like empty but full. Once I get up in bed, I sense something bubbling inside my belly and it causes me to throw up. I'm always like this. During my first trimester, I took leave of absence from office just to have a complete rest and now that I'm free from any employer and my boss now is of course, willing and able to take control of everything. He's so excited with the coming baby as much as our two kids.

Chocolate Mousse
A bed of rich chocolate pound cake, topped with delicious cream-based mousse and chocolate chips for a treat like no other.

Well, I craved for a "chocolate mousse" from Red Ribbon and my sister Mahlen ordered one through their hotline for a free delivery. It took almost an hour for the cake to arrive because Pasig Branch runout of stock of choco mousse so they waited for the stocks to come. As soon as the cake has reached my Mom's house, Mahlen sliced it and I got one for myself. I finished it off but afterwards, I found myself vomiting in my Mom's comfort room.

Why did I vomit after eating my most desired food? Well, these somehow explain it all:

  1. The vomiting is caused by a combination of chemical changes my body is going through
  2. My rapidly increasing estrogen and progesterone levels
  3. Enhanced sense of smell and stomach acids
  4. Builup of HCG. It is produced after implantation takes place and continues to increase until about the 12th week of pregnancy, at which point the levels of HCG starts to decrease, this is when morning sickness symptoms will start to decrease as well.

I may be experiencing these more intensely for the following days or weeks. But I know I can handle these changes as much as I got through with the anxieties during my previous conceptions.

Seeing With Our Hearts Open

We look at life as simple
yet complicated.
We seek peace and solitude
yet something is there to hinder.
We love and cherish memories
yet tears are running down our face.

We laugh and smile for joy
yet sadness comes without a hint.
We travel a long road to freedom
yet fences are hidden beneath.
We strive to reach the star
yet never bother to take a step.

We try to be the best person
yet somebody will never appreciate.
We give hope not despair
yet misery and anguish reign.
We search for truth and certainty
yet pretension lies everywhere.

We learn new things and ideas
yet life has more to offer.
We rely on facts and essentials
yet instincts go between.
We rescue ourselves from drowning
yet surviving is the game.

We contradict to one's disposition
yet falsify our own views.
We agree more on transformation
yet change is constant and imperfect.
We risk something valuable
yet redeem our spirits later.

We commit offensive allegations
yet direct justice to few.
We resolve problems accordingly
yet nuisance keeps coming back.
We may not comprehend every life there exist
yet learning is an eternal process.

Perceiving the true beauty of the world,
is seeing it with our hearts open.

Images Source

No Amvasc for the Meantime

Amvasc-Amlodipine Besilate
It's almost a week now since I stop taking my maintenance drug because of my present condition so I decided to visit Dr. Santos for a check up. Fortunately, my blood pressure was normal: 117 over 75. He told me that there's no need for me to continue with Amvasc. I just have to monitor my BP and be cautious with my diet.

Dr. Ronald Santos is a long time friend and classmate back at grade school and high school. When he became full-pledged Cardiologist, my family and most of my relatives have become his regular clients. A lot of our teachers had been his patients as well. Thumbs up for him. He really excels in his chosen field. Truly a proud Rizalian.

After a brief talk and some advice, the visit was concluded with a thoughtful reminder:

"Take care of that baby."

I will definitely do. Pye and I wish to have him as one of the godparents and he's more than just willing to be one.

Looking Through The Eyes

I received an email from my sister Malu and I am so inspired by the story of a blind boy sitting on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet with a sign beside it saying: "I am blind, please help."

You will notice a man who approached the boy and took few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone passing by that area would see and read the new words.

Because of the new sign, the hat begun to fill up. More and more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon, the man came back to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked him if he's the one who changed the sign and what did he write. Then the man replied:

"I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but on a different way."

What he had written was: Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.

It was clear to us that the two signs were telling the people that the boy is blind. The only difference is that the second sign implied that people who are not blind are so lucky that they can see the beauty of the day. That people often times need a much deeper meaning to some issues before they can be affected. Words are powerful to convey the truth so everybody should use words as creative and as meaningful.

The story tells us that we are fortunate enough to have eyes to see the magical things around us. We have to appreciate every blessing we have whether it may be small or big. We should be optimistic in life that if it gives us 100 reasons to cry, show life that we have 1000 and more reasons to smile. We should not be afraid to face obstacles. Let strength rule our spirit and take us to brighter days ahead. Stop complaining for things but start doing something that make a lot of difference.

What is more fulfilling than seeing someone smile and more beautiful than knowing that we are the reason why...